Paulsonism: You have two cows. They get sick. You diagnose them and apply medicine for a different malady. They get worse. You declare yourself committed to your cows and tend your chickens. The cows get worse. You freeze to efforts on behalf of the cows since a new owner will buy your farm in two months.
TARPism- You have two cows. You say they are fine. Then you say they are endangered. You say you need special expensive and experimental feed to save them from certain death. You get money from the government to buy that feed. Then you decide there is a better way, but you keep the money and spend half of it on new barn, and sell the farm to get the monkey off your back.
Bernankeism: Your neighbor has two cows. They get sick. You apply everything in your medicine cabinet to help them. They stabilize. You invent new uses for medicine but the cows still waver in their health. You help other peoples’ sick cows that come into contact with your neighbor’s cows. You empty your resources and leave the job up to your neighbor who then sells his farm, sick cows and all. You still live next to him an are blamed for being a poor vet..
Bushism: Your neighbors have cows, ducks, pigs and chickens. The cows get ill. You panic. You hire veterinarians to tend to them taxing the pig, duck, and chicken breeders to pay for it. You claim to believe in rugged individualism and say the nation depends on beef and milk.
AynRandism: You have two cows. You botch their care. The government steps in to help them. You complain: ‘What doesn’t kill them makes them stronger’ Capitalism forever!
GMism: You have two cows; you used to have 100. You still employ 50 people. You have 20 people retired who you still support. You pay your workers more than the chicken farmer across the street, whose chickens are healthier than your cows. You are going bankrupt but tell the government you can breed a better chicken than the guy across the street if it lends you money that the private sector won’t. If it won’t lend, you point out that you employ at least 70 people that will become anarchists.
Fordism: You have two cows. You used to have 50. You used to have better ideas. Now you just have a family member whose football team has not won a game all season long and who refused to fire the worst general manger EVER in the history of the NFL until just this year. You put your cows out to graze on the artificial turf of that field. It turns out not to be a better idea. They get sick. You ask for aid.
Chryslerism- You have two cows. They already were sick once but have recovered and have retained no immunity. Once they ate sauerkraut. Now they are eating a private recipe. They are still sick. You want help.
Bankerism- You have two cows. They are special and partly insured by the government. They get sick. One dies. The neighboring banker-breeders panic and stop using the same feed you used. There is no feed, the cows begin to starve. The government steps in and loans you money to give them Feed. The cows improve. The bankers butcher the cows and eat them all themselves in a huge orgy and feast, burp!